Ignorance Is Bliss?

The other night at dinner, celebrating my mom's birthday, we sat and talked about all that's been going on in our family. There aren't many people in my circle who know, although I know a lot of people. If you're reading this, then you know how things are going with my dad. I hope you never have to go through anything like this. This is the closest I've ever come to having my heart broken.

As we talked I realized that I need to be more involved in my dad's life right now. I need to be more involved in my family, not just my dad. My mom has taken on a "caretaker" role with my father, something nobody who knows our family would ever have guessed. Nobody could have ever told me that my dad would be diagnosed and technically classifed as "mentally ill," either. What was I thinking, that Life plays by the Rules? Stupid me. I love my dad and my family too much to disappear just because this is tough. That's cowardly, to hide from it. So I'm putting myself in the game, coach.

My dad's condition is one of good and bad days. There are many jokes about people who are old, forgetful, senile, Alzheimerriffic, punchy, wet-brained and whatever. I can still laugh at those, if it's a good joke. But the good days aren't what they used to be. My dad used to be able to play 18 holes, mow the lawn, take the grass to the dump, come home and have dinner made before we ever knew what was happening. Now it's a good day if he remembers to brush his teeth. Yes, that is how this goes.

I have accepted that This is Life, Now. This is part of my life. Not all of it. But it is important. I can't talk about my dad's inevitable passing, nor that of my mom who is in good health. Here we are now, our parents aging, all of us maturing. And you'll need it. The fates may take to you in a way that allows your family to live to a ripe old age, free of disease and faded intellect. You may find yourself staring through tears as your mom tells you she found a lump. Your dad may say the doctor wants to do more tests, again, because things just aren't right. Then what will you have? Either the strength to take each step without ever a thought of quitting. Or the cowardice to step back and let everyone else witness Life playing by its own Rules.

I'm in the game. I'm happy that for 29 years I had a coach who taught me about love, faith, and family. If anything like I mentioned in the previous paragraph should come to your loved ones, remember the love they gave you. That's Currency. You have it banked. Now it's your turn to give it back, freely.

And if anybody can't understand where you're coming from when you turn down a party invite in favor of time with your family, fashion yourself Lucky. That person doesn't understand what love you have been given in your life.

The New Everything

I just talked with my mom and she mentioned something to me that hit me like a ton of wet cement.
With my dad's condition, it affects not ONLY my mom and my sister and me, but it affects each of our relationships, with him and with each other. This is a different person than the man who raised me, because of his condition. I wondered how my mom was really doing, and she told me.

Thirty-four years ago my dad married my mother. Since then they have loved each other through all of their ups and downs of life and marriage. My dad encouraged and supported her through a journey of self-empowerment and spiritual fulfillment, and NEVER would give up on her, his family, or their happiness. And he is not that man any longer, not all the way. While my sister and I grieve for the changes our father goes through and how they affect our lives, my mother grieves for the loss of some of the strongest and finest personality traits of the man who stood by her through everything good and bad in her life for the past 34 years. He is not who he's always been, and it seems as if it has happened over-night.

Excuse me while I deny the gravity of your parking ticket.
What a time to try to quit smoking.