Zero Balance With The Bank Of The Universe

I realized that an ego is a defense mechanism against loss of control.
Control is an illusion of order, and vise-versa.
And the moment you think you have it all figured out, your world will evolve because
THAT IS WHAT THE UNIVERSE DOES.

This all comes into view now, and weirdly so.
My father's condition from a year ago to now, advancing steadily. I see my father far less than I'd like to, so each step of his condition's progression is a heavy dose.

In the cleaning and moving of all my things into a new place I found two pictures of the day I graduated college. One of them was me in my mortar and gown, bored mindless on the back-end of a Jameson buzz. The other was me with my Dad to my right, Mom to the left, in front of the University of Washington athletic department offices. That was June, 1996. 9 years ago. My dad's condition likely started 3.5 to 4 years back.

5 years after that picture was taken, it started.
Another picture I love is of my family and I in 1999, on the back deck of our house.
Times in our past marked by pictures that perhaps we weren't as happy as our smile would show. I really wish I knew then what I knew a year ago, and could do SOMETHING.

I actually feel really bad for my friends who have not met my dad. Such a great man. Loving, funny, intelligent, hard-working, a man of Faith, conviction, and integrity.

RING RING RING
Life on line 1!
"Hello?"
"Hey, this is Life. No offense intended, but I don't care about this thing with your dad. I didn't care about Pompeii, Star Wars, Pearl Harbor, the Holocaust, nor the Jesus/Buddhua/Muhammad/Ghandi/Dr. King business. See, I don't care up or down. I have no feelings. I am.."
"... if you say 'What I make of you' I'll shit."
"... grab your paper, son."
"If I remember correctly, and I usually do, your dad used to tell you something so often that he obviously wanted you to remember it. Do you?"
"Hmm... a hard pecker doesn't have a conscience? That was a safe sex thing."
"Wow. If I had feelings I'd laugh at that. That's great."
"He'd high five you now."
"I know. I have no hands, but listen. He used to say... I attract to me that which occurs. Attract good."
"Right, right. It's all in your mind, basically. To believe that good things will happen and regardless of circumstances I can and will always overcome to rise above and evolve to my higher self on the backend of the bummers. He also told me that I could do anything I wanted to do, even if I didn't know how to right then. That I could learn and do anything."
"That's true, too, Geoff. You can. Never too late. You attract to you that which occurs, so attract well, and believe that inside of you is the power or Soul or Intent to do anything you set your mind to."
"So how'd he end up like this?"
(silence)
"Hey, I'm not even a real thing. I don't have answers, just events and records and dates. You'll find out one day. Until then, what are you going to concentrate on?"

Well, that's The Question, idn't it?
What Would Gerry Do?

Thanks for reading. Please say one prayer for my family, especially my mom & dad.
My mom, Pam, is an absolute Rock.
Many thanks to Rod S. for crossing paths with my family again. You are a God-send.
If you think there are no such things as angels, think of this story:
My mom had to deal with the Social Security office for some money regarding my dad. The case was assigned to a man who happened to be the dad of two people I was friends with in High School. Out of everyone, right back into the small world.

I really really miss him.