The Reality Of Dementia

I'm sharing with you what is the emotional progression of a family dealing with Dementia. My father was diagnosed with FrontalTemporoDementia in late March of 2004 at the age of 60. This is from my point of view as his only son, who loves the man who raised him, as the condition, and Life, moves ahead.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Memories Come to Life

It's been far too long since I was able to enter anything here. I had time, mind you, just haven't had the words to share. A lot is going on, as you may well know from this and other postings.

As my fiancee and I begin deciding on the most important aspects of our upcoming wedding (it will be Post-Super Bowl, that is my only real demand), I am constantly missing my father in the oddest of ways. To miss a man who is alive reads like schizophrenia, but knowing what we know, it makes sense. I wish my father could be here to talk with me about this. More than ever, I need his insights on Marriage, Money, and Spirituality. As our day nears to enter the bond of marriage, I really wish he could be here to take it all in with me, and enjoy it.

My dad loves my fiancee, Alicia. Yes, dad loves her. They did meet prior to his quickest turn to his current condition, but he was pretty advanced at that time. When Alicia and I visit dad he's always ready to take a walk outside with us, and likes to be near her. He looks at her in a very familiar way, having accepted her a long time ago, quickly and lovingly. Knowing that makes me happy. He's happy we are getting married. He smiles whenever we talk about it.

On the Fourth of July, also Katie's birthday, dad came to the house for a few hours to be with us, watch some baseball, and just relax. It felt so good to have him at home. My mom also surprised Katie and I with some amazing gifts, reminders of our dad. As soon as I can, I will post photos of what she's given us, but here's a quick description.

My mom took photos, documents, and various keepsake items from my dad's life, and arranged them by era into Shadow Boxes. The mounted pictures kind of told a story about my dad's life, from his days at Coffee County High, complete with his varsity letters and graduation papers, to the day my sister was born.

I have a wonderful display of 6 pictures of my dad in his early twenties, a student at Auburn University in Auburn Alabama. He loves his Tigers, and his love of college football is very strong with me. His pictures are really great, though they look very serious compared to the man I always knew. He looks much like Harrison Ford of that era, strong-chinned, bright eyes, and a hell of a head of hair. I can't wait to share those here.

For my sister, my mom constructed a beautiful set of memories recounting the day she was born, and the special bond Katie and dad have always had. There were pictures of my dad holding my sister as a baby, her head slumped to one side as my dad mimicked his sleepy daughter. A few pictures of my mom, also, in the late months of carrying Katie. My dad's "BCGs" or "Birth Control Glasses" were also in the display, the standard-issue black frames that are once again popular among the bespectacled.

The centerpieces of the display, however, are priceless. On a small sheet of paper is the name Kathryn Elizabeth Lott, written by my dad, the name of his mother, to be given to my sister Katie upon her birth. This small sheet of paper was tucked into the front pocket of a folded-up Arrow men's shirt, a button-down of blue and pale-orange stripes, worn by my dad the day that Katie was born. In all the years and moves and boxes, he never would let go of that shirt, nor misplace it. Other shirts have come and gone, been donated or patched, but that blue and orange men's dress shirt, the one he wore the first time he held his own baby, with his wife by his side, is still with us. Love endures!

And yes, I am unabashedly tugging at your heart. Love someone today, because you can.

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mailto:geofflottrules@yahoo.com