Something More Fun

First of all, I must tell this to those of you who have e-mailed, called, written, or taken time to talk with me about my dad after reading these posts or hearing the news:

It means so much to me what you have shared, that you have allowed me to share, and that you made yourself open and real to me through your stories, ideas, and kindness. I don't know how to repay that. When I know I can, I will. Until, I thank you from the deepest part of my soul. You have made it much easier to deal with on days I didn't want to deal at all. Life isn't fair, but you each showed me that's okay, and that we all have to keep going.

Okay, back to the crap.
Here's a funny story. Christmas Eve, my family is at church, all of us, even my fidgety dad. I counted in one minute he touched his face every 8 seconds on average, and when he did, it was usually in 4 places. I thought he was giving the youth pastor the "bunt" sign.
Near the end of the service a kid is playing a slowed-down guitar solo of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" while the offering plates are passed around. Prior to this my sister and I had been trading remarks about how one member of the church staff seems to have a certain smugness about their role in the service, as if their presence dictates whether or not it goes off harmoniously, when we get to sit down, etc. If you're from the MVPC and you're reading this, it's likely not you. And don't act like church-going people don't talk about their brethren. Now you have to forgive me. I read that somewhere.
Anywho, the guitar solo's going smoothly until the soloist starts gettin' fancy, trying a couple of pull-offs, which is when you play a note then pull your finger off the string you just picked, like snapping your fingers. It makes a nice little effect for the audience to vibe on.

Part of my dad's condition is that his speech filter is pretty much gone. If he thinks it, he's likely going to say it. Can you see the trouble we're dealing with? The soloist flubs a note, really misses it bad, dead-note mutes the string but his finger slips to another note that's off-key. And the whole church is likely thinking the same things: 1- The Jesus picture's frowning at me, and 2- Whoa, Guitar Jones, did you even practice?

The note goes BLBLP and my dad says "Twank."
I nearly pissed myself holding in the laughter, because he said what we all thought, but with absolutely no malice in his heart about it. It happened, he reacted, and we went on with our day. Aaaah, to be as free as the Dementites.

I love my dad and my family. We're doing the best we can to honor and protect and care for him, but it's taking a serious toll on us. My mom is at her wit's end, and I fear that she hesitates to make decisions based on what other people may perceive. So I'll say this to anybody who thinks ill of my family in this: The only punishment you deserve is to have this happen in your family. You lose your spouse of 34 years, but you still have to care for them. Your kids lose their parent, but have to watch them decline and deteriorate. And there's nothing you can do about it, except pray and do all you can to stay at peace and sane and healthy every moment of every day.

And if you can't laugh at how seriously f*cked Life can be, you aren't worth a damn anyway.

For the rest of you, please re-read the first part of this post.
Happy New Year To Each Of You. Can't love you enough.

Character Building

Dammit.
Yesterday I took my dad in to see a Naturopath so that he could get some colon hydrotherapy. The benefits of a colonic far outweigh the "stigma." Your entire intake of food, medication, and liquids is processed through your liver, lymphatic system, and colon. The colon is the final absorption point. If it's blocked or not operating properly, your body ceases to filter out the toxins from food, medication, and all that Old Crow you've been drilling. A colonic fully clears out your intestines, as well as resets your lymphatic system, and enhances your liver function.

In doing this, most people become clear-headed to a much higher degree than they thought they were at. You sleep better, think faster, and are, in general, feeling great. The last time I had one was couple months ago after a lot of stress, and I left with a pep in my step. The Naturopath I go to, Gayle at the Healing Arts Clinic, also experienced her father's dementia first-hand. However, through a regimen of colonics and herbal supplements and diet changes she was able to completely turn her father around to being healthy and normal.

So I took a day off of work to be in Maple Valley and take my dad in for a consultation and colonic. He was nervous and fidgety, like a little kid on the way to the doctor. He had questions, he was defiant, he was difficult, then he relaxed a little. We sat in the waiting room for a few minutes, talked with Gayle for about 10-15, and my dad seemed ready to give it a try. We headed into the room where Gayle gave us a quick tour of the equipment and how to get things moving, then she stepped out of the room. I was going to hang in there to help my dad get things situated, as his condition has basically left him with the demeanor of an 8 year-old.

The next 30 minutes was complete and utter frustration, anger, helplessness, and finally Defeat as my dad wouldn't so much as sit on the bed/table for the procedure. He stalled and lied and attempted to distract me from the purpose of our visit. He stared off into space, he turned around, he wouldn't face me, he acted scared, and was stubborn. He wouldn't sit on the bed for more than a second, and then tell me "I'll sit down." He wasn't sitting. He wouldn't sit. He was lying. He was confused, and manipulative. He was pissing me off! He didn't even know he was, and he wasn't trying to, or was he and did he just not care? He didn't want to do it, but dammit, it would help him so much and he just wasn't going to help the situation, and GAWDDAMMIT, it was putting me through the roof! And I had no idea what else to do. It was enraging me and saddening me in the same breath. I was totally helpless. And my mom goes through it EVERY DAY with him. She's a saint to have done this.

After 30 minutes and no launch, I told my dad to get dressed. I was steaming at him, and at the same time feeling like I had let him down, myself down, and was, in general, in a foul mood. I had no idea what else to do but call it quits, we were wasting our time. I hugged him and told him we're just trying to get him healthier, and he said "I know," but he's perhaps too far gone now. Or close to it. He's becoming really hard to be around. He's no longer my mom's husband, he is her charge. He's the guy my mom takes care of. It's just not my dad in there. And I have no idea what to do anymore. I am almost embarrassed to say this, but I am not very fond of the man that Dementia has made of my father.

My mom and dad are going to give it another try in a week or two. I will likely go with them to offer support. It's such an easy and beneficial and totally natural method of clearing your body of poisons, I highly recommend a colonic to anybody who is feeling sluggish or ill. We've talked about the possibility of my dad going into a home in the next 6 months. He's 61. My grandparents are in their 70s. My girlfriend's grandparents are in their 80s. My dad's been taken from me. How? I don't know. Perhaps it was a "use it or lose it" situation. He retired from Boeing and a planned schedule, and 2 years later started slipping, and is now in the grip of FrontoTemporal Dementia. Was he predisposed? Perhaps. His mother had Alzheimer's.

If you could, please take a second and say this little prayer for my family:
"I ask you God to protect Gerry and Pam, to help them find the healing paths to walk, and to find peace in each day's blessings." It would mean the world to us.

And I can't thank you enough, those of you who have read this and shown your support and love to me and my family. I had no idea I'd ever go through this, and it's tearing me down, but your support keeps the foundation intact. Love ya.

So What Do I Get My Dad?

Tomorrow I'm taking my dad to a naturopath because we're looking for new remedies to his dementia. It's progressed at an alarming rate in the past year. He's gone from losing his glasses to repeating the names of every store we drive by in a strip mall. It doesn't sound like much, but after 30 minutes of "PaydayLoanTimesUpThaiBartellsBlockBusterStarbucksJetPizza" you start looking for side roads. He can't read mailboxes since he lost his glasses.

The reason I'm taking him to the Naturopath is to consult about what natural remedies there are to changing or at least halting the symptoms of his dementia. This was a pretty major onslaught of symptoms, which shows me this is a chemical change, not a mental one. The hardest symptom to overcome is apathy. This is prominent in all people with mental illnesses, where they begin to not care about what's going on.

For example, if you have to take a whiz, you go. You go because, if you don't, you'll start to get ill and uncomfortable and, publicly, you'll ruin your appearance, or at least change it to one that is soppingly unacceptable. Imagine feeling like you have to go, and then waiting about 30 seconds before going, whether or not you're in the bathroom. This happens far too frequently, and it's really sad to be part of. My dad from 4 years ago would want my dad now to get healthy, and would want us to do whatever we could to get him there.

Here's to hope.