Dealing With Dying

In my dad's passing, this is the closest I have ever been to a death. It is the heaviest weight I have ever carried, and the lightest of burdens to bear, as I have only love and respect for my dad.

His body is gone.
He is deceased, no longer on Earth.
He is biologically dead.
As a human form, he is no more.

I have to express these things as a way of real-izing them for myself. The last time I saw my dad was in September, prior to moving to Los Angeles. He was as he had been for a long time; gentle-eyed, slow to react, and stuck in that wheelchair. He was merely existing. It's a rotten way to watch somebody go. I don't really know how much of him was still there. He could react with a laugh/cry thing when something funny happened or somebody familiar was near by. But we do know that some of that kind and great man was still in there.

In his passing, my dad fought through a couple of illnesses in the last few weeks. Pneumonia weakened his system, causing very high fevers and breathing problems. The lack of oxygen led to angina. He may have had a mild heart attack. He was suffering, physically. We all hurt to know he was struggling. He deserved much better than this pain.

I last spoke to him on November 15th. My mom held the phone to his ear as his body fought for breath. I told him that i loved him, that I was so proud to be his son, that he was a great father, and that if he was ready, to go on Home. To go on to Heaven. That we'll always love him and we'll see him again. It is never enough, or correct, or timely, to say these things. But my dad, in his 65 years of life, lived with a compassion and love for others and life. And "The Time" had come.

I hung up with my mom and began sobbing harder than I ever have. I told my wife "My dad is dying, honey. He's really dying." We all knew it. Never would I have said it before, in case the mere breathing of the word "dying" would accelerate anything. We truly had him taken from us by the dementia over the past few years. And physically, now, he was dying. His spirit was about to soar, if it had not already been called Home to Heaven. I know that he heard me, regardless.

After hours of crying and planning for a trip home, I slept a bit. I had no dreams I can recall. My phone rang at 5a.m. It was my mom.

My dad, Gerald Embert Lott, Jr., had died.

A man of integrity, character, compassion, love, faith, and humor, had died. A good man. A great father and husband. A man of peace and friendship. They die, too. We all will. So... now what?

After talking with my mom, I felt a lightness. It was either a peace, or an elation, or a relief of a burden I carried. It was like a weight I forgot I had been toting around. Perhaps it was the question "When?" had now been answered. No more waiting. No more anticipation of a phone call that I dreaded knowing the subject of. My dad, now in Heaven, was free of the body that was felled by Dementia. Healed, whole, in the Presence of The Lord.

Knowing this is the greatest comfort I have. I believe we all share this, in my family, and those we know who knew and loved my dad. To know that right now, my dad's spirit has returned to The Glory, the place from which all Creation sprung, to be surrounded by his family from ages past, with his friends who preceded him, begins to erase the pain of missing him.

I want to begin focusing on THAT. On my father's spiritual reward now, I will rest my heart and my thoughts, in knowing he is standing tall, he is speaking with loved ones, he is the Greatest he has ever been. He IS, still.

Were it not for the love he and my mom showed us, the teaching and avenues they directed us towards, and the freedom to choose, I cannot tell you that I would be elated or peaceful. But my father is Home now. Where he wanted to go when this was enough for him.

Amen.

Gerry Lott. My Dad, My Hero.

Geoff & His Dad, Gerry. Georgia, 1976

Thank you Dad.
For everything.
I love you more than I can ever tell you.
You were the best I could have hoped for, and greater than I deserved at times.

October 26, 1943 - November 16, 2008
That dash there, that was a hell of a great life.

If you would like to, please make a donation of any size to the Alzheimer's Association. As our Baby Boomers age, this organization's efforts will be more necessary than ever before.

Memorial Celebration Services will be this Saturday, November 22, 2208.

Maple Valley Presbyterian Church
22659 Sweeney Rd SE
Maple Valley, WA 98038

A Safe, Effective Treatment for Mental Issues?

Part of all this writing I do is to get some knowledge out about my dad's disorder, and some possible ways to counter-act it.

By the time I had found a few natural options that may have helped, my dad was rather advanced in his dementia. It's an UGLY disease. The changes it puts your loved one or friend through aren't pleasant. And the amount of drugs that they could be on is just as harrowing.

I have more than a slight distrust in Big Pharma, because of how the past 2 decades have seen a rise in ADD and ADHD. Also, computers, cell phones, more news coverage, "Cop Rock," caffeine on every corner, and energy drinks (what are we staying awake for?), are more prevalent than ever. Big Pharma capitalized on all of it by screaming into the ears of the slightly tired "YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, HERE'S A PILL." Money money money money.

So I search for natural cures that cannot be patented.

If you have, had, or are most likely somebody who other people think has...

• stress,
• bipolar disorder,
  (manic depression),
• ADHD and ADD,
• depression,
• alcoholism,
• aggression,
• Post Traumatic
  Stress Disorder (PTSD)
• Alzheimer's

Then PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, look into LITHIUM OROTATE or LITHIUM ASPARTATE. It's a naturally occurring chemical that affects the chemical pathways of the brain's Frontal Lobes, where your personality and decision-making are held.

Lithium Carbonate is the one that is medically Rx'ed. This is natural, safe, and inexpensive.

Just worth a look, ya know? I'm going to see what it does for me.
For STRESS, I mean.

A Realization of This Human Life

Yesterday afternoon my wife and I went to visit my dad.
His new home is much better for him to be at, the care he gets is superior and it feels much better to have him there.
As we sat with him and talked about Katie and Brian, their wedding, their forthcoming "blessed event," I started to realize how much more life we have to live, much of it without my dad. Not to sound morose or macabre, I pray that his life is as God will's it. But really, as my father lost his ability to communicate and move, we have lost most of my dad. It's sad, this condition. It's more brutal on the family of the person, as I'm sure there are people who have handled it with less aplomb and grace than we have. Not that we've been perfect, but our Faith and our Friends and our togetherness has really helped us through it all.

I realized something that really made me sad, also. My wife will not really get to meet my dad until we're all in Heaven. It made me think of how long she must go without really getting to talk to him and spend time with him. He would really love Alicia, and be very proud of her and the work she puts into being an incredible wife, and somebody who is really finding her spirituality.

In the meantime, we have begun looking at all of those necessary insurance options as couples, and Long Term Care is right there. I pray we will never need it, but if so, yep, we should get some. I pray that I will be healthy and Present well into my 80s or 90s. Gotta think positive.

In the meantime, thank you all for your prayers and well-wishes.